January 2008 Archives

i just sold my first crossword puzzle.

Simon & Schuster will be including one of my 21x21 puzzles in their next book of crosswords, Mega Crosswords 4, currently being edited. not sure when it will hit stores.

after over 18 months of trying, i am now officially deserving of the title of cruciverbalist.

hoo-ray for me!

and lo, the valiant dragonslayer was utterly grossed out.

the night ere last, through the muddling dark, in wait he lay (watching episodes of Band of Brothers). he was armed, but the heft of his weapons (two old phone bills) provided no comfort. a confrontation with terror of the blackest kind loomed nigh.

for time unmeasured there had been peace. then the foul creatures came from their places of hiding, deep within the womb of the grasping earth. they left their sullying mark upon the once peaceful fields of the kingdom (our living room carpet) and by these marks it was known; the unspeakable beasts had broken their banishment. they were arisen anew. their evil undiluted by the passage of ages or the wards and signs proffered by the priests for protection.

each evening the peasants had retired to their serene slumbers but in the morning, they awoke to horror, their fields covered in ichor. mysterious beasts from the maw of ancient times had used the velvet sweep of night to drag their vile husks across the sweeping land, violating and sullying the terrain.

here, there be dragons.

one by one, the peasants fled (madhavi went diving for a week). only one stalwart lad, a stranger to the land, left behind. his bravery tempered by the knowledge that he had no respite or retreat for which to hie. were his fields to fall fallow, he would share in their fate.

at night they came, so at night his vigil kept. past the hour of sleeping, when the moon shone its weary eye, squinted and sore, he waited. his guarding rewarded, in horror and joy, with the slithery form of the fierce serpents.

measuring from horns to tail, the creatures were at least an inch and a half long. along the edge of the barrier cliff, the largest dragon uh... yeah.

so i picked up the slugs with the phone bills and chucked 'em over the fence into the laneway. the next night, another was back. this time i killed the fucker. not a pleasant procedure. but for the past two mornings, there have been no super-icky slime trails across our carpet. i was going to leave out some sort of beer trap, as recommended by the internets, but then i figured that i was probably faster than a slug and i could just catch them.

i was right.

why they're coming into our house when our garden is chocko with overripe peaches fallen from the neighbour's tree... who knows? slugs are not known for being extra clever.

let's just hope they stay gone. we've got company coming.

after mostly ignoring the US presidential primaries for a year, i am somewhat shocked to find in my mailbox an absentee ballot.

wait. i'm supposed to care about these people?

do i?

do i care that hillary has welled with tears in what is obviously some sort of proof that her eyes have been hacked by republicans? do i care that barak has slightly less government experience than tipper gore? do i know who mike gravel is?

wasn't he fred flintstone's boss in the quarry in bedrock? dude. i'm voting for him. free dinosaur rides! yabba-dabba-do!

it's just a strange feeling. i mean, somewhere in my feeble brain i knew a ballot would be coming, but actually having it here is shocking. i am still american. whether or not i live there. now, i get to help decide which of these creeps will be president.

not that i feel all that australian. i just feel ex-pat. yabba-dabba-dope.

will we ever live in the states again? gentlemen, place your bets.