toilet snakes

today has been a good day.

for the past, oh, two plus weeks now i've been waiting for a client to hand off some work. they put off the original meeting, then postponed the postponement, then rescheduled the postponed postponement and then brought me in tell me about the job i would have just as soon as they had the job to give me.

ha ha.

they were going to put me to work on friday or monday. guess what? still waiting. such is the life of a freelance writer.

i tell you this so you can glimpse my mood when i arose this morning, before nine actually, with the fervid hope that i might actually have some work to do.

no dice.

instead i worked on writing my third crossword puzzle. remember when i said i wasn't going to write any more? i lied. this one definitely shows a marked improvement over the previous two. this time, i'm being a right bastard and not letting anything through that's questionable. nothing but the most rigid quality control.

i'd already chosen, rechosen and tweaked my theme clues (those long jobbies that are full of puns, or tricks, or salmonella). i'd reblocked the grid half a dozen times and struggled mightily with the fill (the letters that all need to make words across and down). on monday, i'd finished a first draft of the fill and on tuesday i'd been cleaning it up. trying to get rid of words that weren't up to snuff. words like "inmesh" which is in the dictionary but which no one uses. i'd smoothed it all out except for the top left corner which was kicking my ass. i spent hours and hours working and reworking it but i couldn't find any way to make it any better than it already was. and it used the word "ensate" which means "having spear shaped leaves" and which is recognized by a handful of botanists and precisely no one else.

so. the good day.

i woke up and, finding no work, thought i'd try again at this stubborn bastard corner. at 11:47, i decided to screw it. ensate isn't so bad? but whatever, i'll give it until noon.

then i cracked it. i used super magical words that are actually words and now my whole damn puzzle has honest to goodness acceptable answers in all the across and down slots. i only have two answers that are icky and they're acronyms i can make something work for. and "bia" who's styx daughter or some such, sister to nike, addidas' aunt.

then, i went to the cafe i like where the dude who works there actually recognized me and asked me if i wanted the usual. my months of selfless coffee drinking have paid off! his name is bob! he works with teagan! he likes my shirt which says, "never give up on your stupid, stupid dreams." i might actually be MAKING FRIENDS?!?

while at the cafe i finished a first pass at my ethiopia article and made myself laugh out loud. i figger that either means i'm writing funny stuff or losing my mind and EITHER WAY it means things are looking up.

back at home, at about 4:50, this client finally called to say, uh, well, maybe we'll have this work ready for you soon. i was very nice about it (read = need the money) and said, "dude" or something to that effect.

whatcha gonna do, right?

then, since bartlebee was off being a yogic swami stretchy pants i took myself out to the pub where --- drumroll --- the bartender recognized me AND i got to eat a hamburger. i also watched some animal planet show called "sharks with teeth and fighting rabid weasels attack helpless bunnies with tridents" or something. it appears to be on non-stop except when they're showing commercials for it. in the educational programme, i got to see a dramatic recreation of some poor woman getting a friendly surprise from a giant python hiding down the hole of her squat toilet.

ha ha ha.

what could be better right?

i think i wouldn't shit for a month, and even then i'd probably go in one of the less nice pots. sorry honey.

so i guess i got some stuff done today and nobody yelled at me and there were no giant reptiles in the bathroom.

also, the tomatoes are ripe.

the end.