apoca-rambo

you know, it's Sylvester Stallone-comeback month.

i have to hand it to the guy, losing all that muscle mass and learning mayan just to play John Rambo once again in this First Blood spin-off:

Apoca-Rambo

good title, right?

it's a standard story; jungle-confident ex-green beret wants to live his life, but brian dennehy and his squad of aztec bruisers push him too far. then, it's lesson time, pal!

unlike first blood or rambo I through IIX, this one does pleasantly surprise with some pretty excellent costumes and sets. it's almost as if they dosed david lynch and had him draw some design sketches while threatening his puppy with a vat of leeches. it looks wild, from the jungle to the city, from the villagers to the high priests.

and hey, honestly? i liked First Blood. it had a Message. a message that deserves to be repeated in Apoca-Rambo and condensed here:

Get Off My Back, Shithead.

the man just won't listen, though. people want to impose their will on the free wheelin' rambo whether he's looking up his army buddies in small town america or hunting up some tapir in small village mesoamerica. push him too far, he pushes back.

in this version i do think they went a bit too far with the "normal life" introduction. it's a bit heavy on the penis jokes. you almost think rambo would be happy to get into some action since his home life seems to consist of nothing more than tricking the fat guy rub into rubbing tiger balm on his nards. ha ha! fat guy! nards!

those kidders!

once the action starts, it doesn't hold back much. it is gory, but i didn't find it excessively so for the story. it's a bloody time, eh? the capture/chase stuff is well done if a bit ricockulous. i know green berets are in good shape, but i think running for 24 hours straight with a hole clean through your kidney is a bit much.

oh, and i'm pretty sure jaguars are slightly faster than rambo. particularly when in trees.

actually, the more i think about it, the more i'm scratching my head. if this aztec kingdom is so massive, how come rambo can get back from the capital to his sleepy village in a day?

whatever. don't think about it. it's an action movie. and not a bad one. certainly more believable than Deja Vu.

and with as powerful a message:

Be Good, and uh, Watch Out for Stuff.