dear john

dear america,

it's been nice seeing you and all. we've had good times. that time you gave me a passport was really sweet and i like all the presents you've given me. thing is, and i'm sorry, but i've started seeing someone else.

someone who's more sensitive. they don't have an extraordinary rendition program. they don't really even have much of an armed forces!* and well, remember how i needed to see a physician? and you were all like, "sorry hunny, no insurance, daddy can't help,"? well my new beau is different.

spent some time on the phone yesterday. found a local doc who would see me. she only charged me $35 bucks in her half-off local currency. and she even found away around their local regulations to prescribe me 3x as much medication as normally allowed since we're not going steady and i can't see her that often. when i took the scrip to the pharmacy? to get 3x the normal amount of medicine? it only cost $22!

in case your math is bad America, that's a total of $57 here, which is about $35 of your dollars. that's to see a doctor and get a mess of medication.

so, uh, i think it's time for us to see other countries.

call me sometime if, you know, you want to elect a new president or something fun like that.

*a joke we heard here.

so after 9/11 the US was all gearing up for war in afghanistan and iraq and they called their buddy new zealand to see if they'd help. the kiwis thought about it and said, "yup. she'll be right. you count on us to send all of our ship and all of our plane."