Nonsense, Not Vagina
hi.
do you remember me? i am the author of this blog. the blogthor, if you will.
i am sorry it has been so long but this august has been busy. usually, here at the symphony, i get to spend augusts surfing the web and occassionally filing things that have sat in a folder on the corner of my desk since January.
this august, not so much.
plus, i'm getting married. yeah. i know. i should have told you sooner. also, i'm leaving the country.
that's all happening in the next couple of months.
as in two.
this week has been filled with wedding hoo-ha, and by hoo-ha i mean nonsense, not vagina.
we booked a house to stay in after the wedding which looks to very relaxing. it's near st. helena, on a big hill, with a stone pool and hot tub and a hammock and hiking trails and we won't have to leave for days. i also finished up the proofing for our kettubah (jewish wedding contract/art print) and am working on the seating plan and the finances and the guest count.
the guest count.
uh. i know that we INVITED all of you, but we really didn't think you'd all want to come. we are now accepting volunteers to eat in the parking lot. or in shifts. or in shifts in the parking lot.
also, in case there is any confusion, unless your invitation said, "your name plus guest" -- and i know it didn't because we didn't send any of 'em like that -- you cannot bring a date.
if we thought your date was someone you reasonably would betroth yourself to in the near future, we wrote his/her name on your invitation. otherwise, they're not invited. maybe we goofed and your date is someone who has promised him/herself to you for eternity and we just didn't know. in that case, you shouldn't be so damn secretive and it's your own fault. so they still can't come.
as i told one friend recently, there are people we really like whom we didn't invite. can't really be inviting people we don't really know and leave those friends uninvited.
huh? what? maybe i am kinda stressy about it. it's kind of stressful. and i haven't been sleeping well lately.
tonight i have to figure out how the special tables we need to rent to fit all the people will fit in the room where they don't quite fit without depriving us of essential dance room.
how do ya'll feel about eating standing up?
no. it's fine. i just happen to be busy at work again and felt the pressure to blog. one shouldn't blog while anxious.
if that's the case, i will probably never blog again.
two things:
1) i have never heard the term 'hoo-ha' be slang for vagina. where have i been? is everyone familiar with this except me?
2) in addition to the other services you are providing (ketubah proofreader, seating chart coordinator) i suggest, since you are not busy, adding one more. you could perhaps match up the single-or-not-so-single-but-attending-singly guests with one another. just for the night! kind of like a handcuff party, in college. that way all those people who left their dates at home for the evening will have someone to talk to and won't have to nerd out about being there alone.
just a thought.
You can't not let people bring dates! That's preposterous!
I like the handcuffing idea, though.
People who insist on bringing dates to weddings where space and expense is limited are trolls. Where's your goddamn Ms. Manners? If the invite says "you and guest", you can bring a date. If it says "you", and show up with a date anyway, you stand in the frog pond with your univited guest and eat your cranberry chicken while the mother of the bride gets to pelt you with candied almonds. Goddamned entitled trolls....arg.
--b
oh, the horror of the guest list. it's such a tenuous thing to deal with invitations to such a momentous occasion that uses up lots of resources. just know it will all work out in the end - really, it will.