Now That's a Knife
My Summer Vacation by Double Yang
This year my family went on summer vacation. We went camping on the Eel River. We had to carry all of our stuff in packs and it was really hot. Before we got to the trail we stopped because I felt pukey near a trailer. Some guy came out to see what we wanted. He had an ax handle and two knives and a pit bull. We talked about dogs. Then we had to go.
When we got to the river there was a class of hippies there. We were sad because we thought we would have the whole area to ourselves. And because we hate hippies. Luckily Cornflower or Patchuli or whatever her name was decided that it would be best for us and her class if they stayed out of our way. We didn't see them practically at all!
We saw steelhead and deer and frogs and turtles and garter snakes and lots of swooping bats and a big rattler snake. We ate chili and it made me fart a lot in the tent. I also read a lot of my book about the naval battles of the Great War. They had a lot of big ships. They all went powie powie at each other but they couldn't hit for crap. Luckily, English Admirals are good at going, "what what" and "good show!" and "engage the enemy more closely." What what.
Luckily it took the Germans two world wars to figure out that the English are good at breaking codes. Silly Germans!
We had a lot of fun. My favorite part was taking a bath in the river at the end of the third day. My least favorite part was Bartlebee getting a migraine and puking. The part that I don't really remember the best is the part where the whole forest was like the coat of a big panting animal and there was a giant kangaroo and I had to go to the bathroom every ten minutes. Then the catbus came and we rode away with the giant totoro. Then we ate some indian food that looked exactly like vomit.
On the way home we stopped for hamburgers.
The end.
everyone hates hippies: http://www.southparkstudios.com/show/display_episode.php?season=9&id1=902&id2=131.
but at least you didn't get caught in one of those raccoon scrotum battles.