Uncertain

this is fitting because i've been feeling uncharacteristicly uncertain these past few days. wedding nerves i guess.

i mean, i've been stressed about the wedding a ton in the past, but i've always felt really sure that i was making the right decision. for whatever reason, i had my first real freak out about it this week.

the rest of my life is not a hugely long time, but it's all i've got.

not that i'm thinking about calling anything off, or even thinking about thinking about calling anything off; i'm just a little uncertain. a little dizzy. i'm figuring that that's natural. it's actually probably more surprising that i'm feeling this way for the first time NOW, than that i'm feeling it in the first place.

last night i had sushi with girlalex. i've known girlalex for over twelve years. as of monday, she's a doctor. an MD. she's also engaged, oddly enough to a guy who grew up down the street from me and who used to hang with my little brother.

it was just me n alex at dinner. for both of us, it was the first time in while we've had one-on-one time with a friend without our fiance(e)s.

so we dished wedding and change and grown-up freakout.

i realized i'm pretty bummed to be turning thirty-three and working as a glorified secretary. girlalex is a doctor. i do the filing.

not so thrilled about that.

on the other hand, even with my freakout, she's jealous of how certain i am about the upcomming wedding. we've actually set a date and hired people and are working on invitations. girlalex's total wedding plan consists of wearing a ring and she's not even 100% on that.

she's big on her man, but marriage? how do you know you're ready?

i guess i think humans are supposed to mate. i'm less sure about the mate-for-life thing, but i'm confident about the mating. that's why i have a wanger. for the mating.

i looked it up.

in books.

people seem agreed. wangers are for mating. i have a wanger. ergo i should mate. i believe the same can be said of hootchies. i will do some testing and get back to you.

so if you don't want to be all rebellious, you get hitched. girlalex isn't all that rebellious. she wants to get married. she's just nervous about actually doing it. what if she chooses the wrong dude?

how do you know?

on the other hand, they brought us free dessert at the sushi place. i looked at it. it was a bowl of cherries. i'm related to cherries. a billion years ago (give or take) there was this thing. it was multicellular. it split. one line evolved into me. another line evolved into cherries.

so what are you gonna believe?

what's more, in another billion years, who knows what the hell will be going on. we're certianly not done, right? as far as we know, whatever exists in a billion years will look back at fossils of us and laugh.

"ha ha ha," this new thing will say. "there was this whole group of creatures that needed physically static manifestations to survive! some looked like cockroaches and others looked like brine shrimp and others looked like your mom. they're all the same, more or less, though. they had wangers!"

it's really rude to laugh at someone's wanger, future-dude. that hurts.

anyway. i guess if i'm related to cherries there's no point in worrying if i'm making the right decision about marrying bartlebee. in the scheme of things, that whole "marry bartlebee" concept looks bankable.

guess i'll get back to working on the invitations.