Mr. Frosty

then, because i'm all hep and in the know, i wrote an email to ajax. ajax knows local bands. i'm connected. i've got friends in high places.

not that ajax is high. high on donuts maybe.

i said, "what up, daddy-o? where dey be throwin' down the fresh trax? word up, dog."

then he said, "nothing is more pathetic than some desk-job white-boy using street lingo incorrectly."

and he also said we weren't idiots for selecting the Rickshaw Stop as the place to be and the Vacations as the band to hear!

fo' shizzle!

after work i had my hair done and waxed my upperlip. then i tried on, like, seventeen outfits and found the one that made my boobs look perky, but not all slutty. bartlebee got ready, too. she watched an episode of Buffy to get the music flowing in her veins and took some party drugs.

it's called ibuprofin. have you heard of it? it makes your head all numb and your stomach a little irritated? she's hard core!

then she out cooled me by not even wanting to go out! i mean, how can i compete with that? no matter how cool you are, if you care about going out in the first place, you're gonna get out-cooled by the, "nah. you go. headache."

migraines are just inherently cool.

anyway. i went to the Rickshaw Stop to meet Mr. Bagel and i ordered a drink. i ordered an old fashioned, because that sounded old fashioned.

the bartender asked me how i wanted it.

oh. am i supposed to KNOW what i'm ordering? that's not cool. knowing? pffft! i'm too cool to know! in a glass? is that what he wants to know?

with some prompting i go with the "up" option. that sounds cooler.

so yeah? Mr. Bagel showed up. he's cool. he just got cast in the movie of Rent. no shit. he's going to be "cafe owner" and he has a scene with Rosario Dawson. and tomorrow? he's seeing Star Wars a full week before it gets released. why? because he's cool.

we're cool. he's in a movie and i'm drinking my whisky with NO ICE. his wife shows up. now there are three of us and we're so cool we have to ask them to turn up the heat.

the band was awesome. i think.

actually we left before the band came on. because, like, we're so cool. and because it was midnight and there was still no band.

we are not old. shut up!

then on the way home we listened to Ice Ice Baby with the top down. because that's how cool we are.

on saturday i looked at one-thousand different men's dress shirts for the wedding. seriously. one-thousand. i tried one on. it was too sharky.

every shirt with brown in it also has blue in it. i have been instructed to avoid blue. our colors are orange. orange and blue clash like conjoined twins on a unicycle.

then, because we're so cool, we went out to the hotttest nightclub in town. it's in san anselmo. it's called "My Sister's House." very exclusive.

i had three hott hottt hotttt women on my arm there. bartlebee, zella and bluma. i was barely there five minutes before zella got her pants off. bluma was doing some smoking shimmy moves.

we read a bunch of stories and then i got two of the three into bed. bartlebee took some more work. i had to buy her a tea. and play some yahtzee!

i won.

then on sunday we looked at paper for our wedding invitations. and colors. lots of colors. i've got one word for you: beet.

or beat.

should have seen it coming. it was the number of the beat weekend.

i just bought that expensive-ass shirt.