Red, White & Roo

with her collector set of passports she will be able to vote, run for office, and culture cheese in america, australia, and the european union. that's almost 9/10ths of the world which most americans can find on a map!

the other 1/10th would be the country of south america. that's the one what has teaawanna and wahaka.

one of us. one of us. one of us.

yeah. she's kinda un-excited about it, but then she does not yet know about the "free scoop for life" part of being american. also, we've got fluffy toilet paper here. it's the bomb.

i leaned on her some to get the american citizenship, mostly so we can continue to drag race nekkid and not have to worry about her getting deported. plus, if every vote counts, and then you ADD A VOTE, her vote makes all of ours count that much less.

so she's going to have to find some old feeble dude to whack to even it out. but after the passport comes through because they ask you if you've committed any felonies since your interview and lying is wrong.

it is wrong-o.

hey. here's something else.

krackel.

that's the name of a candy bar. with crisped rice in it.

pretend for a minute that you've never heard of it before. then pretend that someone comes up to you and says, "would you like some delicious krackel?"

i'm thinking you'd say no. krackel sounds like butt leavings. or like the Kraken's little sister.

last night we went to the theater. that's pronounced thea-ai-ter. we saw us some shakespeare 'cause we gots class out the wazoo.

it was As You Like It. turns our we like it just fine. especially ms. hall who played rosalind. she was awrsome. we had the understudy for orlando, though. he was only okay. the part of the kraken was played by his little sister, krackel, and she was delicious.

last play we saw was the producers. it sucked. we left at intermission because the other option was throwing our shoes at the stage and we only brought four. two each. and it was cold out. we go to the thea-ai-ter as frequently as i am given free tickets.

have you seen the poster for that movie Fever Pitch? is it just me, or is that photo totally krackel? i mean, drew barrymore is hottt with three ts but in this photograph she looks like she's been beaten so severely that she needs a drool cup. if she was airbrushed any more you could see her skull.

i just don't get it. who in the name of all that's holy picked this picture? you cannot even see her breasts. it's unbelievable! and jimmy fallon looks like he's watching the barista stir his latte with his cock.

boy am i glad i'm not catholic.