April 2005 Archives
last night was game night!
we played cluedo, which is like clue's crotchety granddad. i'm sure none of you will be surprised to hear it was the reverend green in the library with the revolver.
that fucker always looked dodgy to me.
then we played castle risk, which is like risk but with more castles. i was winning when we decided the game was over at midnight.
all this brings me to a very important question:
how much is too much to spend on a shirt?
it's almost may and you know what that means?
right!
it's time to get older!
may is before june and june is when i get older. this june i will turn thirty three. that is my lucky number! i wonder what will happen when i become thirty-three old? will i become the luckiest boy in the world?
maybe i will start spitting diamonds? or learn to fly by fluttering my eyelashes with great vigor? or maybe, maybe i will get cast in a christopher lloyd bio-pic?
today is lulu's birthday. happy birthday lulu!
despite the fact that she is a woman, lulu is one of my bestmen. she and my brother will be holding up my side of the chuppah at my wedding.
(bestmen, by the way, is not in the scrabble dictionary. i tried to play it the other day and was denied.)
lulu was and is one my best friends. she was most completely there for me when i was no fun to be with and i will never forget it. i was no fun to be with for an extended period of time. like a year. but she fed me beer and watched movies with me and then we crashed a wedding at the archbishops mansion. i kissed the bride. no tongue, though. the archbishop was there.
now lulu has a baby and he likes to eat tokyo because he has a ginormous head. or mabye he has a ginormous head SO he can eat tokyo? causality is hard to prove.
actually his head is not that big.
last night, i came home from work to find my fiancee in a short skirt, mixing me a drink, and preparing us a three course meal.
hoo boy! can i pick 'em or what?
then, get this, as if that wasn't enough, we spent the evening cleaning the entire goddamned house. oh yeah, baby. clean toilets. dust-free shelving. we even washed the dog food bowl. she even let me scrub the shower! all naked and soapy...
no. you cannot see the video.
then we flew to tokyo for a night of geishas and sake and watched an episode of Lost before passing out.
every so often i am reminded of why this is a job worth having.
today, at our staff meeting, we got a sneak preview of Kraft's Timpani Concerto No. 2.
our principal timpanist let us all crowd into the makeshift practice area he's set up under the stage to hear him play.
you probably don't know what this concerto is, because no one has ever heard it performed before. not only has no one ever heard it performed before, but no one has heard the instruments it is played on before.
to play this new composition, they custom designed and built timpanis that play from C sharp to A, a new range for the timp. that's nine new timpanis playing nine new notes in addition to the six larger timpanis that are generally played. so sixteen timpanis. nine on a custom built rack at shoulder height in an almost circle and six on the floor following the curve.
it was a little keith moon. a little micky hart. a little taiko.
it was like: our timpanis go up to eleven. because ten just isn't loud enough.
dave said he wouldn't be able to wear his tux jacket during the performance because it constricts his movement. his movement banging on sixteen timpanis. that we got to hear before any one else in the WORLD, crowded under the stage.
it's premiering here June 9 -18 with Beethoven's Ninth. probably sold out but you could try to get tickets.
in which i share my familial interchanges with you, the reader.
-----Original Message-----
From: noa k_____[mailto:redacted]
Sent: Wednesday, April 20, 2005 4:04 PM
To: redacted
Subject: i have a specific question
hiya!
i just saw your VERY IMPRESSIVE wedding web site. lordy, i am impressed. i love the registry and am reading everything bit by bit. i have a specific question for you. you said, "if you have a specific question please be in touch". so i am being in touch with my question. i am wondering why the new pope they picked is 78. i do not want to be ageist or anything but by the time they finish with the "we have a new pope" celebration, let's face it, he will be 79. basically 80. bubby is 89. she is with it for sure but needs a lot of rest time. due to his senior status, i think this new pope might be the old pope in about two years or so, and i think it is a lot of trauma we all have to deal with if they are going to be switching popes all the time. it is a lot
of "goodbye pope" cake (traditionally lemon, don't ask me why) and "welcome new pope" cake (also traditionally lemon, so as not to show favoritism towards spain). a lot of wasted cake. anyway, i am
digressing. i am just hoping you can answer this specific question for me.
thank you.
noa
my response:
it's easy.
you forget that they sell the "new pope" naming rights everytime they get a new pope so they like a lot of turnover.
this new pope is going to be Pope Verizon Wireless. it goes with their new ad campaign:
Can you hear the word of our lord Jesus now? He says stop assfucking that dude.
we got a letter yesterday from the INS.
it said, "dress accordingly."
it also said that bartlebee, my finance, is to be sworn in as governor of dingletown on may the 10th. or as a citizen of dingletown. dingletown america. maybe it just said as an american citizen. whatever. work with me.
she's going to be an austr-itish-ican. an ameri-engli-alian. she's going to be a citizen of more landmass than you can shake a stick at. unless you're sino-anadia-ussian. in which case, dude. that rocks. you win.
in the past week, i've heard the following two statements from two differen't people.
1) i was lucky to get into grad school. it was a slow application year.
2) i didn't get in to any grad schools.
jee-zus. heebie be-jebus!
brown is like, totally jerkin'.
it's like brown is the new brown!
i tried on my wedding suit today, after the tailor had gone all snippy with it. it's still a little loose. "yes," i said, "i am really that thin." then i had some pringles and oreo cookies for breakfast.
my wedding suit is brown. not like doodie brown, though. it's like a deep, dark, baker's chocolate brown.
that is not like doodie brown so shut the hell up!
the tailor needs another week with it. to use sharp needles to coax it into a slimmer cut. eat your heart out heroin addicts! i'm naturally thin!
hey.
how you been?
sorry i have been a blog slacker lately. it's not that i don't want to spend time with you. it's just i have had more important things to do and you never send me flowers.
i've been building the web site for the wedding. i'd tell you to go look at it, but, uh... it's got my real name on it (as a non-searchable image). so if you can find it on you own you could check it out. it's filled with pre-marital goodness!
pre-marital goodness is a phrase that's fallen out of vogue.
Nick Anderson of the Washington Post just won the Pulitzer Prize for Political Cartooning. There's a full gallery posted, but these are my favorites.
a'member when i invited all ya'll to join me in watching Sin City? a'member dat?
well you missed it. i went with ben & jess and my fieyonsay. i had spent the afternoon drinking beer. this is the kind of friday workday i like. the, "hey. let's all go to the Ramp for lunch" day.
if the bosses come, then you are obliged to match them drink for drink. we had to wait forty-five minutes for a table. so i got a little soused. my boss wore his new blootooth headset the entire time.
wuggadawuggadawhat?
got into work today. the man who manages our national and international tours, our live broadcasts on WFNX and WCBN, the recording of the complete Solieri symphony cycle, and our television production projects announced that he's been offered a job as executive director of the Palm Beach Symphony.
he's taking it. on Monday.
larry said flat out that he doesn't want his job so they offered it to me. a double promotion.
Manager of Electronic Media and Tours.
guess i'm not going to mozambique!
