Brains! Brains! Brains!
no sir. i don't take steriods and i don't like people who do, because people who take steriods are big stupid stupidheads and i am a baseball god.
sir.
no, i will not sully the reputation of this grand game by telling you that jose conseco likes to fondle badgers while wearing women's undergarments which were MADE IN SWEATSHOPS! Iranian Sweatshops! North Korean Badgers! and he likes French people! eyes whats seen him eatin' baguettes!
sir.
ha ha ha! it's fun to watch big burly stupid stupidheads get spanked by congress. it's practically all that congress is good for these days, spanking baseball players. and sprinkling magic fairy dust on the animatronic zombie that is terri schiavo.
i wish i wish i wish.... come alive NOW! poof! i swear she just laughed at me. she smiled. in her head. because i'm such an idiot. or maybe she was remembering that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? what? she's BEEN A VEGETABLE since before that show even went on the air? well...
fuck you then.
god. it's really depressing. at lunch today i was reading this article in the NYT Magazine about some Turkish Kurd (Kurdish Turk? Turdish Kirk!) who was granted asylum and now is being prosecuted as a terrorist.
i guess they're right. he is a terrorist. and so is george washington and paul revere and we must protect our ports against future tea parties.
politics be dull.
i will instead talk about forgiveness.
this weekend, i finally apologized to shan. i'd been meaning to do so for a while, but felt kinda abashed about it. mostly because i wasn't even sure if she knew anything was wrong.
a long long time ago, when my wee heart was broken, shan took really good care of me. then she got back together with her ex and that made me hurty. mostly because i'd been left for an ex and, not being in the clearest of mindsets, felt that going back to your ex was the devil's work. so i stopped talking to her. i never said anything mean or did anything -- more i just didn't do things.
so i saw her on saturday and told her i was sorry and told her why.
she said she was glad to hear it because i'd hurt her.
then i bought her man a drink and invited them to dinner. because i had been a big stupid stupidhead.
so this is the lesson. it's always better to apologize. even if you're not sure you should. maybe especially when you're not sure you should.
otherwise you will feel guilty and will get eaten by ear mites. and congressmen.
then i saw pietr. i haven't seen him in a long time. he said, "hey. what's up."
me: "i'm engaged."
him: "oh really? to who?"
me: "bartlebee."
then he started drooling and waving his arms and hopping up and down and firing his shotgun at the moon.
he could not believe it. last time he saw me i was being an asshole to shan because bartlebee had gone back to her ex. now we're freakin' engaged and will be married in september.
unless congress steps in.
yeah, but wait until she finds out that you are actually on steroids.
reverend: do you, xzackly, take this to be yr lawfully wedded?
xzackly: i du
reverend: do you, bartleby, take this to be yr lawfully wedded?
bartleby: i prefer not to