Indie Indy
today, i am full of the mayonaisse. i mean malaise.
our landylords sold our building. to some woman from scottsdale with $1.25 million dollars.
that's a lot of dollars.
we have been told that she's all skippy mchappy about having such fantastically foxy people such as us for tenants. we shall see. will she fix the sink when it starts to spew blood? will she come up here to chase down the rats with a miniature pick ax and some powerful magnets? will she let us use the hot tub?
landylords. you have abandoned us. what? is our rent no good to you? did we not leave the curtains open when we were changing often enough? were the scones too crunky?
this news comes on top of the weekend that did not exist. this "weekend" -- and i use the term lightly -- i devoted myself shaolin monk style to the approaching wedding.
i did manage to sneak in some pre-weekend festivity, however, on friday. i left work early to see the SF Indie Fest screening of Raiders of the Lost Ark: the Adaptation. i'd tell you to go see it right this exact moment but you're already too late. it only screened twice and you missed it, because you are lazy, ill-informed, and aromatic in an unfortunate way. you cannot rent it. you cannot even find it online for downloading illegally (yet).
what is it, you ask?
it is a complete shot-for-shot remake of Raiders of the Lost Ark made from 1982-1989 by twelve year olds in biloxi with a betamax camera.
i hear you. you're saying, "oh sure. i bet that sucked." well shut your stupid pie-hole, cracker. it fucking rocked. sure, the sound was terrible and a lot of the shots were washed out but it was Raiders of the Lost Ark. with twelve year olds.
and i shit you not, they filmed every goddamned sequence except for the one with Indy fighting the brawny nazi under the plane (which then shreds him in the propellers and blows up) and the following horse ride. in case you're not intimately familiar with Indy (insert whistful Karen Allen fantasy here) that means they DID film:
indy being almost mashed by a rolling boulder
a fight in a burning bar in nepal
the well of souls with snakes and corpses
being dragged under a truck by a whip
swimming to a submarine
melting faces and exploding heads
yes. a real submarine. a real submarine.
personally, what impressed me the most was the fact that they, at twelve, got a real, live girl to play the role of marion. submarine, sure, that's cool. but a girl? to be in your film that takes six years to make and which is a love poem to indiana jones?
hats off, boys. if i tried to do something like that when i was twelve i would have been lucky to get my little brother in a dress.
after the glory of the indie indy, i was swallowed in the wedding quicksand. dinner with my brother-in-law/rabbi, tasting with the caterer, tour of the wedding site, meeting with a florist, and a session with blacky who took some engagement photos for us.
after all that, all i could manage was watching the superbowl. here's what impressed me about the superbowl. paul mccartney is old but at least he doesn't lip synch. na na na is dumb thing to write using audience held red/white/blue cards because if you can't remember "na na na" you are definitely an idiot. superbowl is a really dumb name for an event.
bowl is not an exciting word. adding "super" really does not help much. it would be like calling the world series the "awesome plate!"
yes! it's the awesome plate! whatever.
i also got my ass handed to me in scrabble. madhavi got a 99 point word when she was already 60 points ahead. then she said in a french accent:
once again we see there is nothing you can possess which i cannot take away.
luckily, i've been brushing up on my hovitos.
did not.
"aromatic in an unfortunate way?" damn you, mysterious chalker! damn you!
also: i would have been in such a movie at age 12, and i know tons of other 12-year-old girls who would've been thrilled to be casted. just 'cuz you had cooties doesn't mean your female counterparts weren't up for some adventure!
lastly: so sad about your landlords! your landlords rocked! will the new ones buy you fancy corkscrews?
i finally have a typekey identity! i'm just writing this here to celebrate.
1. i saw on mythbusters that sinking quicksand is a myth. it does suck you in, but you're actually more buoyant, and you end up floating. however, the potential is that it'll stop being quicksand and you're stuck halfway in dried sand.
2. the superbowl wasn't the superbowl until superbowl V. before that, it actually *was* awesome plate I-IV.
3. your fiancee is awesome plate.
mostly i am impressed with how well you know the first Indiana Jones (i dont feel familiar enough to use "indie.") i suspect there are things about you I am just beginning to understand...