I Kick You Filthy
on saturday, i looked my childhood fears in the face and kicked them squarely in the nards.
yes. i played soccer again.
i used to play soccer when i was pre-pubescent. i was, as they say, not very good. i couldn't really move the ball too well. i had power for my size, but i weighed about eleven and a half pounds, so...
i played fullback. it was there that i used my secret weapon: my complete lack of coordination. advanced players with armpit hair and a comprehension of how babies were made would race down the field towards me. i would scream, "yeaargghghghgh" and kick them solidly in the shins regardless of where the ball was.
it worked pretty well.
i never left the backfield and never scored a goal. then everyone began to have growth spurts and i remained wee. no more sports for zack.
this saturday, zay and zach gathered a bunch of jokers in the berkeley marina to breathe fresh air and cold beer. they had a soccer ball.
there was a soccer game.
the field was as smooth as edward james olmos' face and my hipster sneaks had the traction of a conservative idea in santa cruz. with trepidation, i wandered out on the field and claimed my position in the backfield. i figured if john was playing while carrying a beer and smoking a cigarette, i'd be okay.
the whole yearraghghghh/shin kicking thing still worked. i got my blood flowing and hell, the field was so crappy and slick that skill didn't really make too much difference. i allowed the fresh air and cold beer to get the better of me. i left the backfield and went on offense.
i am thirty-two. this is probably the first time i've been offensive in any way that did not involve odors or table manners. i kept falling over, which isn't too macho, but i'm engaged. my fiancee isn't leaving me if i fall over on the soccer field.
then jason, playing in our goal, kicked a ball out over the field. i took off my cowboy hat and headed the fucker right in the non-existant net.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!! GOALGOALGOALGOALGOALGOALGOALGOAL GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!!
the crowd, all six of them, went wild. i understand zay said, "that was amazing. luck." which it naturally was but that did not stop me from doing a victory lap.
then i scored again on the very next play.
maybe i should try to play some soccer this spring? not that i think i'd be any good, but i could run around some more and scream yearagghgh and GOOOOOAAAAAALLLLL!!! and maybe even feel okay about joining locals who are playing pick-up in whatever far off country i'm slumming in next year.
people play football all over the world.
and i sure do need some excercise. anyone know of a dork-league?
then we watched the eighties power double-feature of Raiders of the Lost Ark and Ghostbusters and bartlebee almost lost her engagement ring doing the laundry.
that was fun. whee. yeah. good times.
it's valentines day. i'm high on chocolaty corporate love. thank you hallmark!
i was chatting up bartlebee at the time. cute girl, too bad she's engaged.
the header was fucking dope, tho.