I am Such an Idiot
today i got the new issue of kitchen sink. for some reasion a few months ago i thought it would be a good idea to write an article about blogging so i did and they published it and now there's this published article about blogging and, more specifically, my blog.
this blog.
hi. if anyone is reading this after reading that kitchen sink article, hi. i'm zack. i'm an idiot. if you happen to work with me, or are related to me, or rent me an apartment i would like to clearly state now that this is a work of fiction. i am, in fact, not even zack. i am someone else entirely.
sometimes, if you are a blogger, you realize there is a good chance that people you know read the blog and never ever tell you about it. some people even read your blog and then introduce themselves at parties and say, "that's you? i read your blog."
blink blink. what?
well it's too goddamned late for me now so i might as well grin and bear it or just stop blogging altogether. (tempting)
i'm like Joker in Full Metal Jacket walking around wearing a helmet with a peace button on it and "born to kill" scrawled across the front.
as he says, "something about the duality of man, sir!"
god, i love that movie. it scares the pants off me. poor poor stanley kubrick. first they didnt' let him shoot his napoleon film, then he died and steven spielberg directed his A.I. project and turned it into a two hour teddy ruxpin commercial that could only have been worse if ushers stood behind you pouring soldier ants down the back of your shirt and occasionally licking your forehead.
what? yeah yeah. i liked Indiana Jones and Jaws, too. I also used to like The Police but don't get me started about Sting. tantric sex my ass. he now admits that that is nothing but a big lie. as if that wasn't obvious. have you heard his music? can you imagine sex like that being worth having for more than ten minutes?
sorry. i didn't mean to ask you to imagine having sex with Sting. as penance i will now imagine having sex with Tori Spelling.
what else can i tell you? oh. here's some good news. get this. madhavi's stepmom has insisted on hiring movers for us. she insisted!
i guess she approves of us joining forces to combat evil and cook dinner and stuff.
god. i hope she doesn't read this. i think i'll crawl under my desk for awhile now.
i'm going to read the article before i call you an idiot.
sting & tori spelling had tantric sex?
did you at least get paid for the article?
i agree with you about full metal jacket. and a.i.
but not about tori spelling. of all the 90210 kids, why pick horseface? anyone else would have been better. even gabrielle garttirrewhatsherface.
been better or worse?
i dunno. i always thought tori spelling was first in line for the "because my daddy said i could" award.
well even if aaron says so, doesn't mean she can have tantric sex with me. well, maybe.
if you really don't want people reading your blog, fuck up your domain name resolution! works for me...