Blooey

i kinda went blooey.

it's all pretty personal stuff, so i don't think i'll get into specifics, but today i feel pretty overwhelmed and scared and vulnerable. it's not a particularly nice feeling.

logically, i know that the things i've said and done will not end the world. emotionally, i'm not so convinced.

i guess that's what it comes down to. being able to control your fears once you admit to having them.

so i'm afraid. i'm afraid i'm not good enough, or successful enough, or attractive enough. i'm afraid to ask for what i need because i'm afraid of what happens if it can't be given. do i just pretend like i don't need it?

i'm just trying to relax now. to deal with the fact that i asked for what i need, that i exposed my fears, and to trust that it will all work out. i'm trying to let it be okay that i've gone a bit blooey.

but i'm scared.

this blog post brought to you by the letter F and the number 6.