June 2004 Archives
scott turned me on to MT-Blacklist. if you have a movable type blog, you want it too.
i'm befuzzled.
there's this person, or machine, or group of person-machines, or tyrannical AI with a napoleon complex who keeps posting URLs for penis enlargement sites in the comments of my blog. on old old posts.
like you're going to be bored one day and read through my archives to see what i was interested in doing last february and then be interested in what people thought of what i was interested in last february and go, "hey! cool! i've been wanting a bigger cock but couldn't find any URL that would sell me implausible solutions to my ego-devasting tiny penis problem until now!!!"
and no, i can't just ban their IP 'cause they move around. i can, however, continue to delete their comments and exhort you all to be satisfied with the penis god gave you (or I guess the one the guy you're sleeping with is giving you).
but really? whose idea of a brilliant marketing strategy is that?
there are many many many reasons why i love living in my flat. i love living with lisa and kathrin. i love my beautiful kitchen, the garden, my big orange room with private bath, the fountain out back, the location, max the poodle, and being able to walk to work.
but i'm moving out. 'cause i love madhavi more and we're moving in together.
i had two ideas, neither of which i'm sure are any good.
the first one i had after watching the corporation. i was thinking, wouldn't it be cool if we picked a small but rotten corporation and encouraged everyone to buy stock in it until we had enough controlling interest to make them behave? i realize they probaly have safeguards against hooligans like me, but i just like the idea of it. then we could stage corporate takeovers until we controlled the world and bought everyone kittens named sprinkles and saved the world with love.
what? you think that's a crappy idea? hmm. i agree. too many kittens named sprinkles would get confusing.
so forget it.
today, i am all a-tizzy thinking about things i can't share. but i feel like frank bowman at the end of 2001, flying through the black obelisk into a tunnel of light and sound, incomprehensible.
here is a doorway, do you dare to take it? there is no way to know where it leads as it goes elsewhere.
have you ever been elsewhere?
i am, naturally, not speaking about anything in particular with that title. i just thought you could use a little encouragement.
so whatever you're thinking, you're goddamned right!
think you should quit your job? mug schoolchildren? go to mime school? break into the zoo and shave the gorilla?
you're goddamned right!
stop all that pointless thinking and buy some shaving cream! there are apes to be shaved and time's a-wasting!
blarg, as sean would say.
i'm angry now. not because anyone's being rotten to me, but because i was angry a long time ago and didn't deal with it.
i'm angry on lay-away! it was sooooo wee-ahd (which is australian for weird) to lie in bed last night and feel all this anger bubble out. i could feel it bleed out of my spine, which is where i seem to store everything.
it wasn't bleeding out as anger, though, it was bleeding out like hiccoughs. spine hiccoughs? whatever. that's what it felt like. and i feel better today.
but i also feel like it might be good for me to spend a day being godzilla and stomping the crap out of tokyo. so if i blow up at you, please forgive me. i'm mad about things that happened last year, not about things that are happening now.
there are a few more excellent punk rock kickball pix up courtesy of sean.
aNe's are here.
gather round kids for today's blog! are you comfortable? did you get your juice and graham crackers? now, who wants to hear about zack doing something stupid this weekend so you can laugh at him?
anyone?
what? okay... you want to hear personal introspection? i'm kinda surprised. usually ya'll just want to read about how i accidentally wet myself while giving a toast at a mob wedding. but, as they say, the customer is always right. you want it, you got it.
this weekend i started to make some large adjustments.
leaving the andc last night, madhavi was doing some final goodbyes with jason at the bishop's desk.
on the desk rested a vase full of roses. while jason and madhavi talked, i started smelling the roses. moving from rose to rose and smelling them individually.
and i found the one that smelled the best. so i picked up my head and suggested they both smell it. and i watched them both lean down to the roses that had been there all night and really pay attention to the one i'd noted.
about an hour ago, Jason and I shook hands and agreed to let the past go. to work towards being friends again.
i don't really feel there's anything i can say to those of you who don't know us that will communicate the gravity, relief, and sweetness that contains.
there's been so much anger there. i'm ready and glad to let it go. i'm very thankful that this now seems possible.
happy friday.
Music for Telemarketers: Learn to play a song using the number keys on the telephone. When a telephone solicitor calls, play it for them.
that's it.
that's all i have to say today: ketch.
les' sister joey's girlfriend is named ketch. or catch. or nicknamed ketch (or catch). i've never seen it written and only met her once. she's got icey eyes, but this is not about that. this is about the fact that she's named ketch.
nicknamed ketch.
this is a perfect name. a ketch is a type of boat. specifically: a two-masted fore-and-aft-rigged sailing vessel with a mizzenmast stepped aft of a taller mainmast but forward of the rudder.
oh oh oh oh oh!!!!!
tonight. yes, finally, after much scheming and planning and some pasta-eating, it is finally tonight.
tonight is the cinema jejune where we show the double-feature to end all double-features. the double-feature we've proudly titled:
the worst films from two centuries!
I'm having a mongolia day.
what's that you ask? that's when i decide what would be really good for me to do within the next ten minutes is to burn everything i own that won't fit into a small pack and jump on the next plane to mongolia.
this is not a running away thing. this is a running to thing.
i fookin' lurve hollywood! i lurve it!
reading on-line reviews, i see not one, not two, but three! three excellent ways i can spend $9.75. if you're not hep, i'll tell you what you should go see in the theaters right-stinkin'-now. g'wan! leave work early! it's time for the movies!
see, you've all already seen Matrix Revolutions, so the fact that i finally saw it last night is not going to be interesting in the slightest.
i cannot help but mention how it sucked big time, however.
big time.
you do not care. forget it.
i really don't have much to say today, except that i love this play. i read it a few days ago, but i still have an overwhelming desire to see it performed.
any takers?
i would like to point out that it's fun to shoot little cartoons in the head.
yeah. let's put him on the dime. and then huck some out of car windows at old ladies.
today, waiting for MUNI, i decide to keep waiting.
the train pulls up and it's already packed, but people just shoehorn themselves in further. sucking in their fat american bellies and weasling into the car. tucking their butts in so the doors can close. mashing their faces up against the very sanitary plexiglass.
i watch the train leave, pleased with my decision to be five minutes later to work.
then i remember the bus in laos
no no no, i'm not thinking about lesbian porn. (well, fine, i am *now*)
this is the name of my new favorite song, by nada surf. it's just so damn catchy!! and, voila, as i sing it to myself and read the guardian, i see they're playing on friday night!
so i will go. nada surf at the swedish american hall on friday. get your butt there.
i really don't have too much to say today. i relaxed last night. by this i don't mean that i flopped around and did nothing, which is also true, but that i actually relaxed last night.
i could feel it.
sometimes you just fall so far behind, it's daunting to start again. i mean, the good ol' weekend roundup is one thing, but i haven't really blogged in over a week which has included a funeral, a birthday, a long weekend, and all sorts of stuff.
so. um. yeah. i'm thirty-two now. this seems mostly irrelevent. i'm down to one grandparent, my mom's mom. that's crappy. my dad is now the oldest of the kushner's so i've begun calling him "Don Kushner," which he loves. this is also good because it makes his brother "Fredo."
although it now occurs to me that this may make me Sofia Coppola. i'm not sure how i feel about that. maybe i'll try to swing Tom Hagen instead.
there are many things to be writ about the past few days. at the moment, i'm cleaning my room (which smells of beer) and feeling awfully sore after playing a few innings of punk rock kickball.
i have many mysterious bruises.
i'm just posting now to share this quote, caught in conversation by a well-soused zay. mostly so i can chuck the post-it it's scrawled on. he says:
I am a playwright. I'm not gay. I have to be an alcoholic.
see? simple logic. let's all try using such simple logic for our own betterment.
me first:
I am thirty-two. I am not wealthy. I have to be willing to look silly.
your turn.
i would like to add: mmmmm pie!
My grandmother died. I'm flying to Detroit tomorrow morning for the funeral on Thursday. I'm flying home on Friday. That's my birthday.
I'll write more sometime this weekend most likely.
my grandmother is dying.
it looks like any day i'm getting on plane to detroit to say goodbye. she had a massive stroke and heart attack and probably kidney failure, too. she isn't coming home from the hospital, ever.
most likely i'll miss my own birthday party.
my father is there with her now, and he says with some imagination one might believe she can tell he's there. maybe even she smiles.
