So Much Closer

i was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
when the water filled every hole.
and thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
making islands where no island should go.

those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
i thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
the rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands
to your door have been silenced forever more.
the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
it seems farther than ever before

i need you so much closer
so come on, come on

this song, frankly, is great. it has the word "moat" in it. it's all whistful.

in my love-frenzy, i went to amoeba to buy some death cab for cutie. i had just been downloading it all via kazaa lite and thought, hey, indie band, love-frenzy, i should _support_ them, yeah? but then i found myself in line holding *used* copies of their stuff and realized i am a big dope.

let's face it kids, there is no difference between buying a used CD and downloading stuff off the internet as far as an artist is concerned. downloading only hurts record companies and who really gives a good goddamn? so all the hype about file sharing hurting artists is a crock of bull-puddy. artists get money from concerts. you go to concerts cause you like the music. you like the music because you HEARD it. ergo hearing music is good for artists. and you can trust me as i am an entertainment lawyer and write a column on morals for syndication.

boring. this is boring. i will now write something interesting. about zone bars.

zone bars are really gross. (see? interesting!)

i got a call last night from the field research group that calls me every month or so to solicit my attendance at some focus group about trousers or home liposuction kits or whatever. this time, it was for zone bars.

zone bars are energy bars which i *wink wink* eat all the goddamned time. mmmm mmmmm! energy bars!

the guy on the phone, let's call him torvald, says:

TORVALD: Have you eaten a Zone brand delicious and scrumptious energy bar in the past three months.

ZACK: Uh. No.

T: In order to participate in this focus group which is tomorrow and for which we are going to pay you $75.00 you have to have eaten a Zone brand delicious and scrumptious energy bar in the past three months. Have you?

Z: Yes. I found it delicious and scrumptious.

T: Good. Now, here is another important question; Are you *just as likely* to eat another Zone bar in the next three months *as you were to have eaten one in the previous three*?

Z: Yes. What you said. Show me the money.

T: Let me now describe in detail the packaging on a Zone bar so you could recognize one should that be required...

so yeah. mmm mmmm! Zone Bars! they taste like $75.00! by which i mean they taste like heavy paper that's been handled by a nice cross-section of unwashed america.

i bought the "chocolate graham" "flavor" today (note flavor in quotes is not a typo) as that seemed the least offensive of the varieities offered. it tasted as much like chocolate and graham as a well used mud flap. i really hope they do not ask me to sample other flavors tonight. $75.00 is not that much money.

i've got a bunch of other things to say, but this post is getting long and i hate reading long blog posts.