Devotion
so i went to this party last night. saw a group of people i hadn't seen in a long time.
i guess i didn't really know what to expect. i just drifted away from these people last summer due to the turmoil in my life. needed to pull my hat down low and fade into the shadows. after the first few months being away from them, being away just felt like a welcome change. i was meeting new people. i was doing different things. so i just stayed away. it was easier.
why did i go last night? i can't really say. my friend sandhya was hosting the event. it was only tangentially related to the old group. when i responded to the evite, neither of the people who made my life so complicated were attending. and why shouldn't i go?
last night everyone i recognized came up to me to express their delight that i'd decided to show. people that i'd known well, and some whose names i couldn't remember, saying, 'are you back for good?' ' will you come over to our house next week?' 'we've missed you.'
and even though i was still battling the flu, i stayed for six hours. dancing some. talking a lot. sitting behind the lemonade stand, cracking wise with kendra and paul. feeling like i'd managed to take some of my life back.
people asked me a lot of questions, most of which i dodged. then there was adam. never one to avoid an uncomfortable subject, that man. first time i'd seen him in months. we hug. he says, 'i really want to ask you about your love life, but i won't.'
i say, 'good.'
then he asks anyway.
but i made him tell me about his instead. i've got few answers these days, and none of them are ready to be unwrapped.
so i think i'll spend valentine's day with my single friends tonight. rachel and les and ron. and raise a glass to more than one ex girlfriend. more than one princess and more than one queen.
and i'll look forward to my dreams. i'm good at dreaming.
