Classfied
one of my coworkers mentioned yesterday that he hoped things picked up for me. he'd been reading my blog, see? something i'd been aware of, but forgotten.
and i had to say, 'oh, well, in a lot of ways, i just use the blog to vent. that's just one side of the story and usually the side i don't want to address one-on-one with people.' frequently, the good things get left off here. in sensitivity to the people i care about who may not desire fame (however limited).
then this morning, i notice one of the regular blog stops in my commute has gone classified. password required.
it's an interesting question. should i do that? on one hand, i'm always curious who's reading this and that's a way to know. on the other hand, one of the reasons i write this is to practice sharing. to write about hard things so that when i write for publication it's easier to expose myself. to laugh at myself. to be honest even when it's not glamorous.
but since i don't know who reads this, i end up censoring some. i don't write explicit things about the important people in my life (okay, well i do...) because interpersonal revelations should be delivered in person, not in public.
while i mull all that, here are some good things happening so you don't worry i'm just a big bowl of slop these days:
~ i'm getting closer with my brother.
~ i feel attractive and strong and quick as pentium. quick like zick zack (which is german slang for quick!)
~ i'm happy to be a penguin. and to spend time with a princess, even if she's only pretending to be a penguin. that's a private joke, but you'll live. (in unrelated news, i'm happy about these penguins as well).
~ i'm dreaming again.
~ my brain and my heart are back on speaking terms.
~ that agent passed on my proposal, but he was very flattering about my writing.
~ my friends trust me.
and yeah, that's good. things are complicated for me now, and probably forever, because i take things to heart. but that's the best news of all: i still take things to heart. and some people, no matter how hard they try, can never go there.
