Guest Appearance
in your dreams.
two people told me i'd been in their dreams.
in the first dream, she was looking for me. looking everywhere. couldn't find me. she asked our friends, have you seen zack? but no one had. she kept looking, needing to find me. finally, someone said, oh, there's zack! and pointed me out. but the man she pointed to was tall and black. and the woman said, that isn't him, but she was afraid it was.
in the second dream, she's having a birthday party. her housemates are making place markers for the dinner guests, each decorated in colored paper and glitter and folded all fancy. each with the guests full name. the housemates ask, what's zack's full name? is he zachary? is he zechariah? what's his middle name? she doesn't know. she can't tell them because she doesn't know and she's upset. they suggest possible middle names but none of them are correct. they say, well then, if you don't know his name he can't come to your birthday party. the doorbell rings, but the housemates can't hear it. she's crying. why don't they hear the door? she knows it's me. she answers it and tells me i can't come because she doesn't know my name. because i don't have a name card. we go to the stationary shop and buy paper and make our own name card. we slip into the house and put it down on the table.
in my dream, lynn, from work, is examining my calf, which isn't my calf. it's the calf gracie painted me as having in the work for which i was the waist-up model. then i'm on the beach that's also a pumpkin patch and i'm drowning in the blankets, it's hard to breathe. i reach for the woman there, needing her help to escape, to move, but she just looks past me. i can't move and it's hard to breathe.
well.
i'm not a tall black man. i've changed, but i'm still zack. i will always be zack. and who i am will depend on whom i'm with. there's no way to know who i am until you find me.
and i'll come to your birthday party if you want me to. i don't have a middle name. my first name is zachary and zechariah and zack and you can call me anything you want. spell my name wrong, i don't care.
and to the denizens of my dreams i'll say this. that's not me, it's just how one artist sees me. and if you won't help me move i'll move on my own. that's called waking up, which is what i did.
i'd rather stay in bed though and dream.
see you there.
