Just a Memory

my almost-friend wrote this poem on her blog.

"and what's just a memory to you now
feels like everything I have"

all i can say about that is that i know exactly what she's talking about.

~ ~ ~

i finally got introduced to Michael Tilson Thomas today. he shook my hand and asked me how long i'd been at the symphony for.

since March, i said.

it was a brief conversation.

~ ~ ~

earlier today, joycie and i borrowed my bosses car to do a costco run for the engineers who are helping us record Mahler 4. my boss had been having trouble with it and i said, on the way out, that it would be typical for us to get to costco, buy all this stuff, and have the car not start.

which is exactly what happened. and man was it hot. and we had to run back and forth to the pay phone calling my boss and AAA and his wife and in between wiggling this wire or thumping that hot piece of metal (wearing my new clothes no less!). finally, i turn to joyce and say, you know, sometimes you just can't fight fate. you just have to take it. she agrees, and turns the key one last time.

which is when the engine catches.

so maybe that's a bigger message for me (and us?). sometimes the only way things will work is if you stop pushing.

there's an Eels song, P.S. You Rock My World, that goes:

Laying in bed tonight I was thinking
and listening to all the dogs
and the sirens and the shots
And how a careful man tries to dodge the bullets
While a happy man takes a walk

And maybe it's time to live

Maybe it's time to live.

even if everything i have is just a memory to you.